Set a Worry Time and Give Your Mind a Break

This sounds too simple to work, but it can be a powerful tool. Worry usually feels like something you have to do right now. Your heart beats faster, your thoughts spin, and you feel like if you stop thinking about the problem for one second, something terrible will happen. But most worries are not emergencies. They are just thoughts. And thoughts can be put on a schedule.

To start, pick a time of day that works for you. It can be in the morning, after lunch, or before dinner. Just make it the same time every day. Choose a place where you can sit alone for a few minutes. You don’t need a special room or a cushion. A chair at the kitchen table works. A couch in the living room works. Even the edge of your bed works. The key is to have one spot that you use for worry time only.

When you notice yourself worrying during the day, do not try to push the thought away. Pushing it away usually makes it worse. Instead, tell yourself, “I’ve got a slot for that.” Then write it down. You can use your phone, a notebook, or a scrap of paper. Write just a few words that remind you of the worry. For example, “project deadline” or “what my friend meant.” Then you can look at the clock and say, “I’ll think about this at 4:00.” That simple move gets the worry out of your head and onto paper. It doesn’t get rid of the problem. It just tells your brain that there is a time for this, and now is not that time.

When worry time finally arrives, sit in your spot with whatever you wrote down. Set a timer for ten minutes. Then worry. Yes, you read that right. Let yourself worry on purpose. Think about the problem. Imagine the worst thing happening if you need to. You might feel nervous, and that’s okay. You are training your brain to do its worrying in one place and one time. When the timer rings, the session is over. Stand up, stretch, and leave the worry in that chair. You can literally walk out of the room. That act of getting up tells your body, “This is done for today.”

At first, worry time might feel strange. You may sit down and suddenly not know what to worry about. That happens a lot. When you give yourself permission to worry, some of the worry loses its grip. If that happens, you can just sit quietly for the rest of the time. You don’t need to force anything. Your brain is learning that it doesn’t have to be on alert all day because there is a scheduled moment to deal with things.

Another good trick is to put worry time as far away from bedtime as you can. If you have worry time right before you sleep, you might feel worked up just when you need to calm down. A better time is the afternoon, after work or school, but still a few hours before sleep. That way you have time to let go before you climb into bed.

You can also use a worry time for only one specific problem that keeps popping up. Maybe you worry about money. Or maybe you worry about a relationship. You can set a worry time just for that one thing. When that thought shows up outside the scheduled time, you say, “I’ll think about you tomorrow at 5:15.” Then you return to whatever you were doing. It may take practice. Your brain might argue with you at first. That’s fine. Every time you catch yourself starting to worry outside your time, gently remind yourself that the appointment is later.

The goal is not to become a person who never worries. That would be impossible. Worry is part of being human. The goal is to make worry smaller so it does not run your whole day. You are not ignoring your problems. You are giving them a place to be heard. When you do that, they tend to shrink. They also tend to feel less scary because you are the one in charge of when to pay attention. That feeling of being in charge is what helps lower anxiety. So pick a time, get a timer, and give your worries a shorter leash. You might find that ten minutes is enough. And then you can get back to living your life. Worries will still visit, but now they have to knock first. And you get to choose when to open the door.