How to Question Your Worries

Let me give you an example. Say you have a big test coming up. Your brain might start feeding you thoughts like, “I’m going to fail,” or “Everyone else is going to do better than me,” or “If I fail, my life is over.” These thoughts feel real in the moment. Your heart races. Your stomach feels tight. You might even want to skip the test altogether. But here’s the thing: just because you think something doesn’t mean it’s true. Your brain is just trying to protect you by imagining the worst. But you can flip the script.

Start by asking yourself a few simple questions. The first one is, “What is the evidence for this worry?” For example, if you think you’re going to fail the test, what proof do you actually have? Have you failed every test before? Probably not. Have you studied at least a little? Chances are yes. Have you passed tests in the past? Almost certainly. So the evidence that you will fail is actually pretty weak. The evidence that you might do okay or even well is stronger. Write it down in your head or on paper if that helps.

Next, ask, “What is the worst that could happen?” This might sound scary, but actually thinking it through can help. The worst case isn’t usually as bad as your brain makes it out to be. Let’s say you fail the test. Okay, then what? You might have to take it again. You might get a lower grade. But will your family stop loving you? Will you lose all your friends? Will you be homeless? No. The worst case is usually something you can handle. Most people have failed a test and survived. You would too.

Then ask yourself, “What would I tell a good friend if they had this worry?” Imagine your best friend came to you and said, “I’m so scared I’m going to fail this test, my life is over.” What would you say? You’d probably say something like, “Hey, you’re being too hard on yourself. You’ve studied. You’ve passed before. Even if you don’t do great, it’s not the end of the world.” Right? So why don’t you say that to yourself? It’s amazing how much kinder we are to other people than we are to ourselves. Practice giving yourself that same kindness.

Another good question is, “Is this worry helping me or hurting me?” Sometimes a little worry can push you to study or get ready. That’s useful. But if the worry is making you freeze up or feel sick, it’s not helpful. If it’s hurting more than helping, you can tell yourself, “I see you, worry. But I don’t need you right now.” Then shift your focus to something you can actually do, like take a few deep breaths, review one page of notes, or go for a short walk.

You don’t have to stop worrying overnight. That would be unrealistic. But you can start to question those worries. Every time you catch yourself in a worry spiral, run through these questions. Over time, your brain will get used to this new way of thinking. It will start to see that most worries are just stories, not facts. You are the one in charge of what you believe, not your worries.

A therapist can help you with this too. A therapist is just someone who is trained to teach you these skills in a way that fits your life. They won’t tell you to “just relax” or “think positive.” They will help you practice questioning your thoughts until it becomes a habit. And once you get good at it, you will feel a lot less anxious. You’ll still have worries sometimes, but they won’t run the show. You will.

So next time a worry pops up, don’t just accept it. Question it. Ask for proof. Imagine the worst. Be your own best friend. You’ve got this.