Your Surroundings and People

What’s a simple first step I can take to start cutting back?

A great first step is to just create a small gap. Instead of reaching for a drink or a vape the second you feel stressed, try to wait for 10 minutes. During that time, do something else with your hands or mind—get a glass of cold water, step outside for one minute, or do a few stretches. Often, the strong urge will pass. This helps you feel more in control and proves you can handle the feeling without immediately giving in.

What if I’m too nervous to speak in the group?

That is a very common fear, and the good news is that you don’t have to say a single word if you don’t want to. You are usually welcome to just listen. Most groups understand that it takes time to feel comfortable. Just being in the room, hearing others talk about feelings similar to yours, can be incredibly helpful. As you listen and realize no one is judging you, you might slowly feel more at ease. The pressure is off; you can participate at your own pace.

What is a simple breathing trick I can use right away?

A great trick is called “box breathing,“ and it’s as easy as drawing a square in the air. Breathe in slowly for four seconds, like you’re tracing the first side. Then, hold your breath for four seconds for the next side. Breathe out for four seconds, and finally, hold again for four seconds to finish the square. Repeating this a few times tells your body there’s no emergency and helps slow your racing heart. It’s a quiet way to calm your nerves anywhere, anytime, without anyone even noticing.

How do I stay motivated to keep doing these experiments?

Don’t just focus on the big, end goal. Celebrate every single tiny win! Tell yourself, “I did it!“ after each experiment, no matter how small. Keep a simple list and check them off; it feels great to see your progress. Also, be kind to yourself. Some days will be easier than others. If you skip an experiment, that’s okay. Just gently try again tomorrow with the same small step or an even easier one. This is a journey of small steps, not a race.

What is a small experiment, and why is it better than just “facing your fear”?

A small experiment is a tiny, safe step you take to test a worry. Instead of jumping into the deep end and giving a big speech, you might just raise your hand to ask a one-sentence question in a meeting. This works better because it feels manageable. You’re not trying to be brave all at once. You’re just being a detective, gathering a little evidence to see if your fear is really true. It’s like dipping a toe in the water before you swim, which feels a lot less scary.