How to Stop Your Brain from Playing Tricks on You

The good news is you can learn to catch those tricks and stop them. This is what therapists call “changing your thoughts and behaviors,” but let’s just call it outsmarting your own brain. It’s like being a detective in your own head. You look at what your brain is telling you, and you ask, “Is that really true?” Most of the time, the answer is no.

Let me give you an example. Say you text a friend and they don’t text back for a few hours. Your brain might jump in and say, “They’re mad at you. You said something wrong. They don’t want to be friends anymore.” That thought feels real. It makes your stomach drop. You start replaying everything you said. Your anxiety cranks up like a loud alarm.

But here’s the trick. That thought is a lie your brain made up. The real reason your friend didn’t text back could be anything. They’re busy. They fell asleep. Their phone died. They saw your message and forgot to reply. There are a hundred possible reasons, and most of them have nothing to do with you. Your brain just picked the scariest one because it’s trying to protect you. It’s like a guard dog that barks at every leaf blowing in the wind.

So how do you stop this? You learn to question your thoughts. When you notice that anxious feeling, pause and ask yourself a few simple questions. What’s the evidence that this thought is true? What’s the evidence that it’s not true? Is there another way to look at this? What would I tell my best friend if they were thinking this way?

That last question is powerful. We’re usually way nicer to our friends than we are to ourselves. If your buddy thought everyone was mad at them because nobody replied to a text, you’d probably say, “Dude, calm down. They’re just busy.” So why not say that to yourself?

Another trick your brain plays is called “catastrophizing.” That’s a fancy word for imagining the worst possible outcome. You have a little headache and your brain whispers, “It’s a brain tumor.” You make a small mistake at work and your brain screams, “You’re going to get fired and end up living in a cardboard box.” Sound familiar? It’s exhausting.

When you catch yourself doing this, try to play out the realistic version instead. Okay, worst case, you make a mistake at work. What actually happens? Maybe your boss talks to you about it. Maybe you fix it. Maybe nobody even notices. The chances of getting fired over one small thing are tiny. Your brain is just panicking for no reason. You can choose to ignore that panic and focus on what’s likely, not what’s scary.

Now, changing your thoughts is only half the battle. The other half is changing what you do. When you’re anxious, your brain will tell you to avoid things. Avoid the test. Avoid the party. Avoid the conversation. Avoid everything that feels scary. That might feel good in the moment, but it actually makes your anxiety worse over time. Your brain learns that the only way to feel safe is to run away. That’s not a good long-term plan.

Instead, you have to do the opposite. You have to face the thing that scares you, little by little. If you’re scared of public speaking, you don’t have to give a speech to a thousand people tomorrow. You could start by saying one sentence in a small meeting. Then two sentences. Then a short presentation. Each time you do it, your brain learns, “Hey, that wasn’t so bad. I survived.” The anxiety slowly shrinks.

This takes practice. You won’t get it right every time. Some days your brain will be extra loud and you’ll believe its lies again. That’s okay. You just start over. Think of it like training a muscle. You wouldn’t expect to bench press two hundred pounds on your first day at the gym. You start small and build up.

If this all sounds like a lot to handle on your own, you’re right. That’s why getting extra help is so smart. A therapist is like a coach for your brain. They can teach you these tricks and help you practice them. They’ll call you out when you fall into old patterns and cheer you on when you make progress. There’s nothing weak about asking for help. It’s actually one of the bravest things you can do.

Remember, your brain is not your enemy. It’s just doing its job, which is to keep you safe. But sometimes it gets a little overprotective. You can learn to take the reins. You can learn to tell the scary stories from the true ones. You can learn to do the things that scare you, a tiny step at a time. And when you do, the anxiety starts to loosen its grip. You get your life back. And that is worth every bit of effort.